SHOTGUN SEASON: Eventually you get old enough to realize that there is just an...
So many things I have thought about, right here.
Eventually you get old enough to realize that there is just an equilibrium your body necessitates. It’s not exactly stasis. It’s a negotiation. You come to realize that you might not get over that part of yourself that is neurotic, or unstable, or even at times aggressively naïve. Instead, it…
Not using this thing regularly for the last 6 or so months makes it feel like a safe place to talk to the world without any worry that the world will want to talk back.
The long chain of events that brought me to tumblr today: I heard a song on pandora while riding the bus that I loved, got obsessed and googled it at work and watched the music video, the music video features a woman killing her boyfriend, her boyfriend looks like someone I used to date, conflicting feelings of anger and affection for that person arise within my gullet, want to bury my face in James’ belly and erase all the churned-up bile and nostalgia and regret inside me but don’t know how to say, “hey, come over to my place of employment and cuddle with me in my empty office so I can forget about all the various bad things that came around before you did.”
Since that little bit of emotional exposure and emotional release is probably not going to happen today, and my experiment with mostly-not-drinking is going pretty well, I think some impromptu office yoga is in order. Thank fuck no one is here besides me, and I didn’t wear jeans today.
